


Would You Rather

by StrawhatsAndDelibirds



Category: One Piece
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:13:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21923461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrawhatsAndDelibirds/pseuds/StrawhatsAndDelibirds
Summary: Three AM is a time that should be illegal. It is a very fun time to watch.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 36





	Would You Rather

There was some quality of three in the morning that seemed to make everyone equally stupid. Usopp wasn’t exactly sure what it was, or what about tired made you that way, but it was just a stupid time all around. 

That was part of the reason that he did his best to be asleep at that time. Stupid was usually welcome on their ship, but there was a finite amount before it got to be too much and it was just trouble after that. 

But one of the things you learn fast when you’re out at sea, and in life in general, is that life doesn’t always go your way. Sometimes despite your best efforts, you lose and illusion of control. 

“Do you guys think it’d be cooler to be a bird or a fish.” Luffy asked from his bunk, breaking the near complete silence that cradled their cabin. It was always Luffy when was it not Luffy.

There was silence in hopes that he’d just go back to bed. 

“Because I think they’d both be really cool, cause like birds can fly to almost any island they want and get to fly all over the place, but fish get to swim and I’ve never swimmed ever and like everywhere is water so I’d be able to go all over but probably a bird is better because I couldn’t make it to the last island of the Grandline if I was a fish so I wouldn’t be able to get to the One Piece.” 

Another pause. 

“If I was a fish would you guys carry me to the One Piece when we got there so I could still be the king of the pirates? Wait what if they One Piece was underwater this whole time, and no one knew cause no one’s seen the One Piece and the real Gold Roger was a fish.” 

“Luffy your brother is literally the son of Gold Roger. I think we can safely say he’s not a fish.” Usopp said, making the mistake of speaking up. Now this was a discussion, and there was no one to blame but himself.

“You don’t know that. Maybe Gold Roger had Chopper’s devil fruit before him. Chopper’s younger than all of us and he died before most of us on this ship were born. And before he ate his devil fruit Ace was a very good swimmer. And Chimney looked just like a human even if she was like a quarter mermaid.” 

“Mermaids and Fishmen are also not human fish. They’re more human than they are fish, and a human fish is more fish than human.” Usopp couldn’t believe he was having this conversation. It was just weird. 

“We also don’t have any documentation on any children born of those kinds of relationships. There would probably be issues when it came to reproduction, especially if they’re fish.” Chopper paused. “Though I suppose if a fish human were to reproduce, it would probably be similar to a mermaid.” 

“I doubt mermaids reproduce like fish.” Sanji added in. 

“I don’t think they have the right stuff for it. It’s why they don’t wear anything on their lower halves.” Mermaid reproduction is probably just business and no pleasure. 

“They still got holes where they po- Whoa!” Luffy yelled, as his bunk was kicked over by Sanji.

“LADIES, NOT JUST MERMAIDS, DON’T POOP!” Sanji yelled. Usopp had to wonder if he knows that Nami and Robin probably heard him yell that. 

“Can you simmer down bro? You’re going to wake the dead.” 

“Too late, he already has.”

“Brook! You’re really old! Was Gold Roger a fish?!” 

“Why are you asking him that?!” 

“No? I don’t see why he would be?” 

“Because he hid the One Piece underwater.” 

“He did not Luffy. You decided that all on your own.” 

“Well where else would he hide it? He’s a fish.”

“I’m not sure who’s going to kill you first. Me for your nonsense, or Sanji for the mermaid stuff.”

“Not my problem that mermaid’s po-”

“THEY ABSOLUTELY DO NOT!!!” There was more kicking. Kicking that knocked the bunks over. Unfortunately that was his and Chopper’s bunk, and Franky’s bunk. 

“Bro I’m sorry that reality is happening to you, but I swear on my cola stash that if you keep up with this late night horseplay we’re gonna have a fuckin problem.” 

“Oh. Chopper probably has a pill for that.”

“Not now, Brook. Besides, you can just ask Ro-” 

“SHUT THE FUCK UP WILL YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP?!”

“It’s fine, Robin’s allowed to fuck and mermaids are allowed to -” Was all Luffy could manage out before he was kicked into Franky, rocking their bunk further. Now Usopp had to hold on if he didn’t want to fall out of bed. 

“I’M NOT JOKING YOU SHITTY ASSHOLES!! EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” Sanji yelled. 

The door suddenly slammed open and everything went quiet. They all stared at Nami as she loomed in the doorway. 

“Nami! Perfect timing! Do you think Gold Roger was a fish.” Luffy was known for being a brave man, but this was dumb and unnecessarily risky. The question did catch Nami off guard. She was fortunate to not be well acquainted with 3 AM bastard Luffy. The Luffy who was even more nonsensical than normal. 

“I’m going to give you guys one last chance to shut the fuck up and sleep before I start banging heads together. Don’t make me come back in here.” Nami threatened, wisely deciding not to waste time on Luffy’s question. 

She gave no time for an answer before the door was slammed shut again, and they were left in silence. 

“See Nami agrees with me.” Luffy decided, much like he decided that Gold Roger, the human man that was 50% responsible for the creation of his human brother, was a fish.

“Whatever.” Luffy was saved only by the universal fear of what Nami could do, and the no doubt mortification that Sanji was feeling because now he knows at the very least Nami heard him yell poop. 

Besides at some point you just have to agree with the nonsense if you ever wanted to sleep again. And Usopp knew where his priorities were. 


End file.
